Wednesday, 6 July 2011

Witty Sayings

I was having a cool beer last night with the team at Quotes and Sayings and being the comedian I am I had them all laughing their legs off with my witty sayings. Ok so they didn't laugh a leg off, it's like that text message ROTFL, like who on earth really rolls on the floor laughing?

Anyways I got to thinking this morning it would be cool to do  a blog on Witty Sayings as you my loyal readers could use them on Facebook to look cool or on Birthday Cards as you can use witty sayings anywhere. As always I have searched the world wide web high and low and below I present to you my top 25 Witty Sayings, I hope you find them funny.

The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.

If you always tell the truth, people will stop believing you.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

The old believe everything, the middle- aged suspect everything, the young know everything.

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.


When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

When people talk to God, it's called prayer. When God talks back, it's called schizophrenia.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got into my pyjamas I'll never know.

A diplomatic husband said to his wife, "How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?"

I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.

Ok hands up if any of those witty sayings made you laugh, jeeeez look at the grumpy crowd with their hands down, a smile would crack your face. Well fear not, Quotes and Sayings is leaving you with a funny witty sayings video, enjoy it ok!!



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